


ride it, my spider

by laughingalonewithducks



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: M/M, killian wonders where her life went wrong, merle and magnus are the most enthusiastic wingbuddies you could hope for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-05
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-03-14 01:45:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 518
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13583379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingalonewithducks/pseuds/laughingalonewithducks
Summary: "Oh, my," Magic Brian purrs. "How forward of you."





	ride it, my spider

**Author's Note:**

> i'm not even into this ship i just miss the good ol' days of crackshipping

"Oh, my," Magic Brian purrs, as Taako caresses his face with his magical third hand. "How  _forward_ of you."

"I'm not hearing any complaining," says Taako, and sashays down towards him.

"How could I complain?" says Magic Brian, as he stares unabashedly at the swing of Taako's hips as he steps up to meet him on the edge of the pit. "I should be sacrificing a goat or something in thanks."

"That's hot." Taako drapes his arms over Magic Brian's shoulders.

"Just one thing," Magic Brian starts, as he settles a hand on Taako's hip. "I have a friend- Spider Brian? And I don't want him to get jealous, you know, I just- I get to throw spells and make out with hot elves and he has to sit in a cave and... not do that."

"I'm sure something can be arranged," Taako says, trailing fingers down Magic Brian's arm. "I've always been a leg man, myself..."

He trails off as Magic Brian cups the side of his jaw and kisses him.

Magnus wolf-whistles.

"Are you  _kidding_ me," the orc woman says.

"Get some!" Merle shouts, as Magnus quietly sidles over to Gundren and starts to loot his unconscious body.

Taako manages to throw him the finger with one hand and enthusiastically grope Magic Brian's ass with the other.

Magic Brian takes this chance to yank Taako in closer by the front of his shirt, seemingly unaware of his precarious position. Tiny chunks of rocks dislodge from the lip of the pit underneath his feet, and tumble ominously into the bottomless depths of the abyss.

"Hey, whoa, wait up," Taako says, disentangling himself with a good shove. "This shirt wasn't  _cheap_. Hands off the-"

Magic Brian overbalances, and topples backwards into the pit with a startled curse.

"Uh," Taako says, staring after him. "That wasn't my fault. I want everyone to know that. He tripped."

Magnus quietly tucks something suspiciously shiny and valuable-looking into one of his belt pouches. "That's rough, buddy," he says sympathetically, and hefts Gundren's body over his shoulder like he'd meant to do that all along.

"Guess he's always gonna be the one that got away," Merle says, wisely. 

Magic Brian's voice drifts up from the bottom of the pit. "I'm still alive!" he shouts. "Could I get some help? Anyone?"

"Man, the wind in here is _really_ noisy," Taako says. "Anyway, can we go?"

Merle catches Magnus' eye as he pulls at the webbing surrounding the orc woman. ' _He's grieving,_ ' he mouths. ' _Give him some space_.'

Magnus makes some generic lip movements back at him that indicate that he has no idea how to read lips.

"Is this- how it always is?" says the orc woman. "With you three? This is how you always are?" 

"Fuck if I know," Merle says. "I only met them like a week ago."

"Oh," says the orc woman. "Wonderful."

She's wearing an expression that Merle's affectionately dubbed the 'I Imagine Death So Much It Feels Like A Memory' face. He's been seeing it a lot in the past week, actually. Some people have no sense of humour.

**Author's Note:**

>  **me:** alright. that's it. straight up vanilla flirting, no funny business. you can do this.  
>  **also me:** cool cool but what if i just slipped in... _one_ joke about spider fucking. just _one._


End file.
